When I first started my coaching practice, one of my most popular podcast episodes was about navigating a breakup. So, in the spirit of Valentine’s Day, I decided to revisit and record this special episode for those who are single or perhaps going through a breakup at what may feel like the worst possible time—when couples everywhere are celebrating.
My Experience
I understand. My heart has been broken many times over the years. But I see it this way: if I had made it 40 years without heartbreak, chances are, I had never truly loved. I love deeply, and when I find myself single again after a relationship, I realize that parts of me had slowly faded within that past relationship. That sounds heavy, right?
Well, I’m actually here to tell you that it is NOT. This is a time for growth, healing, and self-discovery. Yes, it’s painful, but by the end of this episode, I hope to equip you with a few extra tools to help you rebuild a reality where happiness is yours again—where you can fall back in love with the most important person in your life: YOU.
The post-breakup period is turbulent. You are being pulled from one reality and asked to adapt to a new one. It often means adjusting to different living circumstances, financial pressures, longing, and questioning whether you made the right decision or if you could have fought harder. It’s not an easy time. I remember, after a particularly painful breakup, forcing myself to go out to restaurants alone and engage in what I like to call ‘masturdating’—dating myself. We often need to form new routines because everything feels unsettled.
What I need you to remember
But here’s what you need to know: You are going to be okay. I know, I know—probably the last thing you want to hear. Maybe right now, you just want to wade in the murky waters of self-pity. And that’s okay. Take time to mourn. A psychologist once told me that, in a breakup, a ‘third entity’—the relationship itself—dies. Honor that loss, be gentle with yourself, and understand that some days will be better than others. But don’t get lost in the sadness. You are standing on the edge of something new and beautiful.
Many describe this period as feeling lost. But you are not lost, my love—you are simply unsure of your identity at this moment. This is your opportunity to rediscover what truly brings you joy and realign yourself with who you are at your core. You owe it to yourself to heal, let go of what no longer serves you, and cultivate a life that excites you.
Change is inevitable after a breakup. It can be a chaotic, unconscious shift, or it can be an intentional, transformative journey. Take the reins and make this a period of growth. Try new hobbies, embark on new adventures, and reconnect with yourself. Start falling in love with the person staring back at you in the mirror.
You are so much more than the parts of you that were left behind in that past relationship. You are an incredible, dynamic soul, and you WILL get through this. I am rooting for you.
So, this Valentine’s Day (or whatever day you happen to be reading this), make a commitment to becoming the most authentic, vibrant version of yourself. Build a life that makes your heart sing. Heal to the point where you can take on the world. And when love comes knocking again, you’ll be in a place where you can be the most amazing partner to someone incredibly lucky. I promise you.
Go out there and let your beautiful soul shine. I love you.
Summary: Actionable Steps for Healing & Growth
- Allow Yourself to Mourn – A breakup is a loss. Be kind to yourself and acknowledge your feelings without judgment.
- Shift Your Perspective – See this time as an opportunity for growth rather than just pain.
- Create New Routines – Establish habits that bring you comfort and stability.
- Try ‘Masturdating’ – Go out alone, enjoy your own company, and rediscover what makes you happy.
- Redefine Your Identity – You are not lost; you are evolving. Embrace self-discovery.
- Explore New Hobbies & Adventures – Engage in activities that excite and fulfill you.
- Practice Self-Compassion – Some days will be harder than others. Treat yourself with love and patience.
- Focus on Personal Growth – Use this time to become a stronger, more fulfilled version of yourself.
- Visualize a Joyful Future – Imagine and build a life that brings you genuine happiness.
- Shine & Love Yourself – You are worthy of love, and that love starts with you.
You’ve got this. 💛
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